Just me :-)

I’ve had an epiphany, well not really, I just like that word.

2008-01-30T11:11:15Z

Honestly, I’ve just come to realize that when you go through life, you replace people with people. There might be one or two friends that stay with you for decades, but whenever you go somewhere new, or meet new people, you begin to replace, unknowingly, your old friends. Now yesterday night, I realized that a good friend had replaced me, and I swore to myself that I would never do that to a friend ever again, because it makes you feel an array of feelings; lonely for being left out, ashamed that you ever called that person your friend, and many more.

So there I was will my friends, hoping that none of them would replace me, as I had just condemned myself never to replace anyone. But am I really just condemning myself to a life of loneliness, to never make new friends, never have new experiences. And that to me was the scariest thought I’d ever thought. Because I need people, I have to have people around me, otherwise I just go crazy. Most people just think that I’m very social, but in actual fact, I need my friends a whole lot more then they need me.

So here is where I contradict myself, realizing that however much more I realize it now, I will have to replace people, to get along in life, much easier.

Plan

2008-01-22T19:15:47Z

Okay, this is just gonna be a plan for the next few months finacially wise, as I'm not really good with them, and I think planning may help.

Currently, I am £97.90 overdrawn out of £100 max. Need to be out of overdraft, AND STAY THERE!

Okay so next pay day (Thurs) I will get about £80, low I know. £50 of that need to go to insurance, which leaves £30 for petrol, I don't think that'll last, may have to get a load of books, and ignore buzzing phone. The pay day after that; about £120 will need to clear overdraft leaving minimum of £20, so may need to go back into overdraft that fortnight. Then next pay day, another £120, and I won't need to go into overdraft!!

That great day will be 21st February.

After then, LA Fund will begin :-)

BANANAS!?

2008-01-09T18:26:47Z

So today is basically going to be word vomit about bloody car garages, not garages where you may keep your car; junk; crap etc, but the garages that are supposed to fix your car, not tell you whats wrong with it, and how much it is going to cost to fix, and I swear they double the price after Christmas to help pay their over expenditures during Christmas, bloody buggers. I took my car to the garage today so they could fix my windows (it's just come off it's runner), and a symbol has come on that I don't understand. Now bear in mind that they have had my car since about 8:30 in the morning, and I've only just come back from getting it, it would have been earlier but the traffic was unforgiving (not quite sure why I used that word, it just seem cool :-)), so I got there later then expecting, then had to wait around for my Mum to pick me up, who is the slowest driver in the world! No joke. But they called me at 4, they only just started to look at it 7 hours after I had dropped it off there, to tell me that I have to spent £40 for a new runner, because mine is totally twisted, and they don't know about the symbol either, they've just reset the engine. So I gave thm the go ahead to get the part, but oh no it could be up to a week for this runner to arrive, so I might as well come pick it up. All day it's been there, and nothing in the car has changed, and I've paid £40 for something that I'm going to see, "whenever the dealer brings it over", tis crazy unfair.

But it is good to have it back, it really did suck getting lifts, I wanna drive, so I wanna go out now, and be happy with my car; play loud music, drive too fast, and laugh about it.

So I'll write to you soon, if I survive.

girl_06122

1st Day Back At College

2008-01-07T20:09:15Z

Well what can I say, the title says it all really, it was ok I guess, nothing particually interesting happened, same old college. I suppose I'm a bit disappointed to be honest, I suppose college was, is going to be the same no matter how long the holidays are. The people are the same, same work, kinda feel like I want a change, but I've got myself stuck in a pattern, which I really hate. I hate timetables, doing the same thing week in week out, it's driving me mad.

Sometimes I feel like I just wanna scream, see if it'll get a reaction out of people, see if anything would change if I did something rash. I know that it wouldn't, that's just the problem.

Wassup Gang

2008-01-03T13:49:48Z

What am I thinking today?

I'm thinking today is going to be a good day, my only day off, so it really has to be. After Mum has eventually come back to look after her kids, I am going round a mate Kara's house, because she's getting loads of people round her house to play on her Wii. But because we have a Wii at my house, and to be honest I'm not really into it like at all, but it will be good to see people that I haven't seen in ages. And she is always moaning at me saying we never meet up and stuff, but lets not go there, because otherwise I'll go off on a rant and not want to go.

I am kinda looking forwards to it though, although that might only be because my Mum is driving me mad, wanting me to babysit for her on my only day off, I wanna go out and see my friends, not look after her kids! She's like, well I'll only be gone from 2-3, but I know she'll be longer, and that is when everyone is going round to Kara's house. But I really need to have a shower before I go over there, smelling of burgers really isn't good.

What else, what else? Oh yeh, I am sooo badly not keeping a hold on my money, I extended my overdraft to £100, but with a bloody charge of £25, and I printed of a receipt of my bank, and I'm like £97 overdrawn :-( Not good, but I should be getting paid like £300 next Thursday, so that'll help, but I'm not really sure whether to cancel my overdraft, because I do have to pay my Dad £50 every month, and I really want the Iphone, so it might be helpful as like a backup. Then again, I might just get stuck in it, and always need it, which I really don't want to do.

And because my hair needs a major re-styling, I wanna go to one of the posh hairdressers like Tony and Guy, and get my hair done there, but it's like £50 just for a new cut, and I want my hair colouring professionally too, so God knows how much that would cost. And I also have my petrol tank to worry about, because I haven't had the car for long, I don't know how long half a tank will last, which is all I've got left. And it has to last till next Thursday; Pay Day as mentioned earlier, so that's a worry.

Oh gosh, and I can't believe I haven't mention New Years yet! Well the plans of going round Luke's to his party went down the toilet, because he cancelled the party, and everyone failed to tell me. So I rung up Dude to find out what everyone was up instead, and he said that everyone was going round Reese's house, but of course I have to be invited, I should have seen that as the first bad sign. So I called up Reese, and he was like Hi Darlin, how are ya? But towards the end on the conversation I realised I wasn't going to be able to go round his house, because like there were too many people coming, and it was really more of a family thing, tush whatever.

So I called up Jess, my lovely best mate, found out she was going to a nightclub, but you needed to have tickets for that too, but luckily another mate, called Jess lol, decided she didn't want to go, so I got her tickets :-) :-) So went out with Phil, Alex, Jess, and Claire and had an awesome night, getting very drunk and only spending £25, well it was all I had, but I made it go far spending it mostly on J.D, which gets me very drunk very quickly. So all good, I spent the night a Jess', and went home the next morning. The only bad thing was that I was sick again round Jess, but no one knew! She had relatives round so I was like ok, I can't hurl here, I somehow, I managed to exit the room quietly walk up to the toilet, and hurl there. Jess only knew because I told her, I was because I drunk Pineapple juice, within 10 seconds of that, I was like, ok I am going to hurl. Then I did the same thing back at my house, I was talking to my parent's when I felt the overwhelming feeling, walked up stairs, but had to run up the last few, because I simply had to, so I could reach the toilet. I looked in the mirror, and I looked like death, my face was so pale, I'd never seen myself looking to pale. My Dad said it was all the blood in my system was concentrating on keeping my stomach together. So for the rest of New Years, I watched a grand total of like 2 movies; I watch the end of Kindergarden Cop, half on The Flintstones, and the beginning of Sense and Sensibility, when I realised I had sobered up, and was extremely hungry.

So I shall conclude this very long blog here, thank you for reading this if you did make it this far, I applaud you.

Till next time,
girl_06122

RANT TITLE

2008-01-01T20:43:25Z

<RANT BODY>Fucking Mum's a fucking immature bitch. Fucking typing things into my laptop on msn, fucking child, how old is she??? Then I got bloody orange juice on it trying to fucking stop her. If she wants to go on msn, then fucking go on msn, bloody cow.

End of Rant

Zzzzzzz

2007-12-31T13:10:42Z

I am so tired right now, but I know that I am getting really bad at making regular updates, so I felt I had to write something for fear of (thinks of good word) disembodiment. I am supposed to be at work now, as ever, but Kerry agreed to do most of my shift for me, and she finished at 12, which is awesome for me of course :-)

I only get tomorrow and thursday off from work, so do try and forgive me if I don't get the chance to write another entry, but I will try. And onto Christmas, I GOT A CAR!!! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) It's a Toyota Yaris, but it's only got a 1L engine, so that kinda sucks, but power steering makes up for it. It was so funny what my Dad did, because I knew I was getting a car at some point but I didn't think it would be till after the new year. But we've been test driving cars, and the car I got, was great, but was too expensive; so I thought. But my Dad hid the key in a box if Quality Street, so I didn't even know I'd gotten it till he asked for one. Cheeky bugger, swear he gets better at hiding my gifts every year. And within just two days of getting it, I had already used a quarter tank of petrol! That's so bad, but it only costs £36 to fill it up, so that's good.

I think I'm supposed to going to a party tonight in the next town, well it's more like a little village, but I haven't anything about it, so I don't know whether or not I'll be going, but I wanna, so I might call them later. I wanna show off my car, but that will mean no drinking, but to be honest, I don't really mind not drinking, I'd rather drive my car :-)

Oh and I brought myself an Ipod for Christmas, which now I love, but I can't play it in my car yet, because the tape I put in there has got stuck :-( But I'm sure I'll get it out, maybe later I'll have a crack at it.

Gotta go to the library now, and renew books that are already late, but never mind, but first gotta test out the new shower :-)

Writer's Block: It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2007-12-22T21:43:38Z

Share your favorite thing about this time of year.

View other answers

Group Hugs To Keep Warm

LiveJournal Obsession Test

2007-12-22T21:33:15Z

The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test
Category	Your Score	Average LJer
Community Attachment	1.08% You have one or two loyal pals on LJ... But you probably have better things to do with your time.	22.71%
MemeSheepage	14.04% Only trendy when it's sufficiently entertaining	27.81%
Original Content	24.19% Monthly bitch sessions and occasional movie reviews	37.95%
Psychodrama Quotient	12.05% Had a comment taken out of context once or twice	16.71%
Attention Whoring	15.91% Slothfully Seeking Susan	20.68%
Take The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

girl_06122 @ 2007-12-22T21:06:00

2007-12-22T21:08:45Z

Indie Personality Test Results

61% Indie
Scoring highly suggests you are likely to be very liberal, independent minded, self identify as an outsider, shun materialism and popular culture, and have an aversion to organized religion. While high scorers are more intellectual than average, they are probably more artistically astute than intellectually avante guard (i.e. they are more likely to know of new interesting new bands/artists/writers than the best way to extract energy from a hydrogen atom. Low scorers, will generally tend towards the opposite of the above. They will tend to be more materialistic, conservative, corporate friendly, social and are more likely to be religious.

Take Free Indie Personality Test
by Indie Harbor.com

Sleepy

2007-12-20T21:55:44Z

I can't believe that it's been like a week since I have posted an entry on here. Normally I post every couple of days, but I've just been so busy with work, because Christmas is nearly here, and it's been rather crazy. I am gonna get a total of 2 days of this week, one was today so I could go car shopping; I'll talk more about that in a minute, and my other day off was monday, and that's just because they didn't schedule me for a shift.

So I am pretty knackered today anyway, because I went to a party last night, well it was supposed to be a party, but it was really just a social gathering which was mighty annoying, and I only went because Jess wanted me too. I spent loads of money last night too, so I am very much in my overdraft, not by much though, just like £35, but I think thats rather alot, especially just for one night. Oh shit yeh, and I've got to pay L Jess back tomoz aswell. Lovely.

What else has been happening? Oh yeh, it was a mate's birthday on sunday, so loads of us went to dinner, pub etc on saturday, which was wicked. Loads of people were there, cause there was our current college people, and then old first college people too, so I knew nearly everyone which was cool.

Yeh, I went car shopping today, or I should really call it car browsing, but shopping sounds well more fun, doesn't it. I only got round to seeing two cars, but never mind. I saw a Fiat Punto, which was perfect, except it had a broken, oh bugger I've forgotten the name, but never mind, that one's out. And I saw a Toyota Yaxis I think it was called, which was perfect. Slightly out of my price range though, so I don't know if I'm getting that one. I got to drive it too which was cool, the clutch was easy, even though it was a petrol car, the brakes I didn't even think about, because they were so great, but I had a problem with the gas. I couldn't find a point on the revs between stall, and too many revs, but apparently that'll just come with time, and I've just got to get used to the small engine.

Anyway, I'm going to go to bed now, before I fall asleep, but oh damn, I've gotta go find my uniform first. Well till next time LJ.
girl_06122

P.S- I think it was the caskit.

Lifeeeee

2007-12-11T20:54:27Z

How should we live our lives? Simply and quietly? Just watch people around you making things of themselves, settle down down for a quiet life, and take life easily?

Or should we embrace life with two hands and your teeth, go out, live life, LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG?

But how do we do that anyway? I'm just an average person, doing excatly what thousands of other people do as me. How can you break into your own person when there is so many unique people out there already? And what qould be so unique about you anyway?

What makes you you?

How can you make a change?

It's just you.

Writer's Block: My Favorite Winter Activity

2007-12-11T20:46:49Z

What is your favorite winter activity?

View other answers

I suppose it would have to be snow- boarding, my style. Because we don't get alot of snow, we have to make the best that we have, and last year was the best. Me and my mates went to the biggest hill in town, like everyone else, but instead of using a sledge, we used a rubber ring, you know like the ones you take on holiday, and they always burst, but anyway. Sit on your rubber ring, slide down, and I swear it is the most fun, ever!!!

Let me know if you try it, and what you think!

Writer's Block: You Make Me Feel Like Writing

2007-12-09T19:36:20Z

What inspires you to write?

View other answers

Life, people, things that are going on in my life, whatever sparks my imagination really.

holaa

2007-12-06T14:10:18Z

Hey Peeps,

I am stuck in the library (again) doing pointless Copyright work, who honestly cares how long Copyright lasts? Your gonna die before it does anyway. Class ended at 11, and I'm still here doing work, oh but I got my first ever distinction, yay, which is pretty good considering I've only handed in two pieces of work, out of two mind you, I'm not slacking! But I just know that for another teacher's work, I'm barely going to get a pass, because her work is so damn hard, and NO ONE understands it.

And I know I'm truely British here, because I am going to mention the weather, I'm sorry but it's so miserable, we Brit's feel we have a duty to let you know how bad the weather is. It's the same as ever, raining.

Also I went to my town's library , which I haven't done in the longest time, so if anyone has any good books to recommend, please do.

Oh yeh and I'm not sure if I told you or not, but anyway, I may be repeating myself here, but never mind, I'm sure it's not the first time, and not going to be the last. John text me the other day saying, text Alex (my Ex) saying your pregnaunt, wtf?? What would be the purpose of that? Isn't he supposed to be his mate? Weird guy.

So if there are any guys reading this, please tell me the point of the text, because I don't get it at all.

Kudos,
girl_06122

Writer's Block: Not Enough Coverage

2007-12-06T12:22:10Z

What isn't written about enough in today's world?

View other answers

Freedom, truth, beauty, love.

Journal Starts Here...

2007-12-04T22:14:02Z

Hey guys,

Kinda had a weird day, it started okay, then I got a text and it all began to go downhill.

John text me, Alex's mate, saying text alex saying your pregnaunt. Why excatly should I do that? What on earth could he want to accomplish by doing that? I thought he was supposed to be his mate? I didn't text anyone anything of course, not that I had the credit to do so. But it put me back into my old frame of mind, that I have being trying to get out of, and had started to make progress and beginning to enjoy life again. I was beginning to sleep properly, things were going well at college. But now I feel stuck, trapped in this mindset.

What happens begins as a game in my mind, it's like the what if? game, I thought what if he wants to get back with me, but just for sex. But I wouldn't want that, and this is were it gets a little crazy, and I fade out of the real world. I 'watched' us argue, me slap him, then, he tried to force me into having sex with him. But I struggled and got away, I ran and ran, but I didn't know where I was going, I was lost. Then I thought about how things would go in college. Then I realised I'd missed my stop.

It's kind of like I'm dreaming, watching things in my head, totally focused about what ever it is that I'm seeing. I only tend to snap out of it when someone talks to me, but I do remain totally silent throughout, which is why people talk to me, because I just look totally phased out. But it happened at college, so I just pretended I was tired, sleeping in the library, so people left me alone.

I never seem to imagine good and happy things either, like what if he asked me out?, or what ever. They're always sad, freaky, and generally nasty. Often to do with rape, murder, depression etc. Really don't want to go back there, but I'm afraid that I'm already half-way there.

TBC

Writer's Block: What's Worth Reading

2007-12-03T14:47:45Z

How do you choose which books to read?

View other answers

Recommendations
Blurbs
First few pages
Cover Art

Whatever sparks my imagination really

Bulletin thingy

2007-12-02T18:26:16Z

Mark What You Have:
[x] Mother
[x]Father
[] Step-Father
[] Step-Mother
[] Step-Sister
[] Step Brother
[x] Brother
[ ] Brother In Law
[x] Sister
[] Sister In Law
[] Half sister
[] Half brother
[ ] Nephew
[] Niece
[ ] Boyfriend
[] Girlfriend
[x] Mobile phone
[ ] Own bathroom
[ ] Own Room
[] have a Swimming pool
[] Hot tub
[]Guest room
[x] Living Room
[x] Computer
[x] TV

Total so far: 8

[] Full size or bigger bed
[x] More than 8 pairs of shoes
[ ] Sunglasses
[] Watch
[] MP3 Player/iPod
[] PS3 or PS2 that works
[] Xbox that works
[] PSP that works
[] Gameboy/ Advance
[] Gamecube
[] Wii
[x] Laptop

Total so far: 10

[] basketball hoop
[] Air hockey table
[] Pool table
[] Ping pong table
[] Foosball table

Total so far: 10

[ ] Nightstand
[x] Stereo in bedroom
[x] DVD player in your bedroom

total so far: 12

[] Goes shopping at least once a week
[ ] Expensive cologne/perfume
[x] AIM/MSN
[] Camera on phone

total so far: 13

[] Electric or gas scooter/4x4/motorcycle/car/4wheeler
[x] guitar/drums/bass guitar
[x] Piano/Keyboard
[x] Any other instrument
[] Been on a cruise
[x]traveled out of the country
[] Had a personal trainer
[] expensive jewelery
[] Met a Celeb

total so far: 17

[x] Straightener/curling iron
[] Have been to a batting cage
[] Have $100 on you right now
[x] Credit card or atm card or debit card or bank card
[x] Have a tv
[x] Mirror in room
[] foxtel
[] foxtel in your room
[x] have 3 bedrooms in your house
[] Been to Las Vegas
[] Been to the Bahamas
[] Been to Mexico

total so far: 22

[x] Parents have a car
[]Have owned or own a Jet ski/boat
[x] Camper
[] Been to 3+ states
[] 100+ buddies on facebook/myspace/bebo

total so far: 24

[x] home cooked meal almost everyday
[] Been in a limo
[] Been in a helicopter
[] Own a camcorder
[x] Own a computer
[] Have a north face jacket
[] Shop at Hollister
[] Shop at American Eagle
[] Shop at Pac Sun

total: 26

Post as: I am a ...
1-22 = Ghetto
23-29 = Average Teen
30-39 = <<<Spoiled >>>
40+ = Upper Class Snob

Sorry!

2007-11-27T21:13:50Z

Hey peeps,

Sorry I haven't been updating as much as you and I would like, well really just me, because no one reads these, but that's all good really, but I've been so busy lately and too tired to really write anything. But as I was typing up what I've got to do this week, I thought I'd put it in here too.

1. Leanne's Presentation! Go through Research, and Slides.
2. 3 Articles for Becky.
3. Documentry Write-up/ Sort out Pilot.
4. Research and Type Up Advertising Costs.
5. Type Up Advertising Regulations.
6. Find Out Shifts For The Weekend.
7. Go To Library.
8. Book Hairdresser Appointment.

And probably something else...Today's been an okay day anyway, started off badly, with my cab being half-an-hour late!!!!!! So I was pissed off at that. But we had a talk from a guy who is President of a media company, and he was a genuinely a nice guy, learnt alot from him so that was good.

Because of the previous cab, I decided to take a risk and book with a new company, and not only were they cheaper, but the guy turned up five minutes early :-) I was smiling all the way there. :-)(-:

ill

2007-11-22T11:54:13Z

gah, I hate being I'll, it really is the dogs bollocks. And I'm at college, doing Becky's work, which is actually quite good, but I'm so not in the mood for typing. Oh yeh, and if anyone feels like writing a rant about Christmas, please let me read it, I need a laugh.

My head feels like it's been run over by a double decker bus repeatedly, the picked up and said, ah don't worry, your alright. And been kicked to college. Not good.

It really does sucks being ill, and Kaz asked me to model for her again, so quite looking forward to that, twas quite fun last time, even though I was completely nekked :$, oh the shame.

hey

2007-11-21T18:45:30Z

sorry i haven't updated in a while, couldn't really be bothered, and didn't really know what I'd type, still don't know really, I'm just bored, so I thought I'd write.

Just been at college all day, and I'm ill which sucks, damn fucking weather.

What's new, hmm well I nearly got fired at work, because I did a refund, a fuckin refund, calm damn you over- cooked shithead. Apparently its gross misconduct or something, and I'm not even supposed to know how to do a refund. Well it's not excatly brain science, and Peter was the one who saw me, and he could have just said, you know, don't do that again. He didn't have to go and tell the f***ing store manager, prick. So I'm gonna like start looking for a new job, but loosely, after christmas I'll leave. And then Richard (store manager) tried to be nice to me again and said that the idiotic newbie wasn't getting bad till hours considering she was so new. Yeh, that's because of me, not her, I swear she was like the stupidest newbie I've ever had, and I've trained alot of newbie's, and she was the worst by a loong shot. And I had to have her on the busiest day so far, with christmas coming and all. Not looking forward to it if I've got to train.

Gah, my internet just cut out again, damn wireless shit, it was fine when I first set it up, recently it just keeps f**king up, and it'll repair straight away, but it's just annoying.

Haven't really got anything else to say anyway, which sucks, wish my life was more interesting, oh well.

Till next time,
girl_06122

P.S- The reason for no swearing is this, my dad now has a firewall, which stops any swearing :(

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2007-11-16T18:10:37Z

tonight is a friday night, and it looks like this friday night, is going to best the worst everr, there is NO ONE to go out with. I was gonna hang out with Dude, but something is wrong with his wisdom tooth, and he is in too much pain to talk, let alone come out. So I called Reese, who is always apparently happy to see me, but he can't come out either, because he doesn't have any money.

And according to dude, Alex was gonna call me, because Dude told him about how I wanted to see everyone but didn't want to because he was there. Dunno why he would want to call me, I certainly don't want him to call me. But was thinking about it earlier, and I can't really not see everyone because of him, because he will get called out more then me, because of his car. Maybe it would be alright if I saw him, I just won't speak to him, well as much as I can help it.

And now Daz can't come out either, because he's stuck in *******. Which sucks.

And I just got an email from Tesco Promotion, hmm useful. Not.

Am I so desparate to get out that I'll call John, not yet no. God, I hope I don't get that bad. And Daz has just fcked off from msn, without saying goodbye.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2007-11-16T18:09:23Z

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2007-11-16T18:08:54Z